Why, indeed...
A few reasons, I'm thinking. It could be any of the following or a possible combination of multiple concepts to make this girl child act out in this way.
First, she's probably dealing with deep seated jealousy issues regarding having been the only female in his life for so long and she's not willing to share any of the attention that has been reserved for only her. She might feel that I'm stealing her daddy from her, but instead, I have only tried to add to her life, by sharing it, not detracting from it in any way. Having me in the picture actually means her getting more, not less in the sense that an extra adult looking out for you can only be a positive thing and it adds a different perspective and greater opportunities that would not necessarily have been there before.
Second, some borderline emotional incest issues, being the only female for many years, it's quite possible that she has become an emotional surrogate for her father's affections. Since he was clearly devastated by the circumstances that led up to the demise of his former marriage, and didn't seriously commit to anyone before me, it's entirely logical that he would pour every ounce of love into this child. It's so much easier to devote time and effort into someone who worships the ground on which you walk, unconditionally, then to face a normal, healthy adult relationship that occasionally challenges you to your very core and makes you a better, wiser and stronger person because of it. It can be a form of child abuse, as the child is living to make her parent happy, rather than pursuing her own dreams and forgoing her own needs just to fill a void in someone else's life. It's more common in single parent homes, something that's really not spoken about much and inevitably a self fufilling prophecy for future generations.
Third. Let's not forget loyalty. Perhaps, she feels that being friendly to me would mean being disloyal to her mother and somehow feel that I am trying to take her place. I share nothing in common with that woman in any stretch of the imagination beyond falling for the same man so there really should be no comparison. While I have cooked family meals in their kitchen, I have in no way, shape, or form tried to mother her in any way, only tried to be a friend that cares about her best interests.
Forth. I'm sure that deep down, she might wish that her parents were together, but considering the circumstances surrounding the divorce, again, one has a better chance of winning lotto. Every child of a broken home wishes for this, but maybe eventually, maturity will kick in and she'll understand that loving her father unconditionally means that he deserves to be happy, in whatever form it takes, even if it's not what she would personally choose for him.
Fifth. I raised my sons entirely different from the way that she has been raised. I never coddled my boys and I let them make mistakes that enabled them to learn and grow as individuals from, rather than to shield them from the harsh reality of the world. They have grown into strong, self sufficient young men, with good judgement and the emotional tools necessary to meet any obstacle head on and overcome it with little or no help from me. I not only gave them wings but taught them how to fly as well. I would most definitely not be viewed as permissive or a softy when it comes to being a parent. My children can be monsters on occasion and I know exactly what they're capable of but they're not materialistic or have an inflated sense of entitlement that a lot of young people seem to have these days. They believe in earning what they have, not waiting around for someone to hand it to them. Parenting is the most challenging, yet rewarding thing that I have ever done and I believe that I have done a good job with mine. Alone.
Sixth. I was raised to be a strong, independent woman who is comfortable in my own skin and confident in my abilities to accomplish anything that I need to, regardless of gender stereotypes. I can be a very intimidating entity to those females who learned to feign weakness and mastered the art of manipulation to get what they want from life, rather than hitching up the britches and getting the job done, in spite of having a vagina and wearing high heels.
I'm sure that there are more reasons than this and I will add them as they come...
Realization is the first step.
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