Sunday, December 22, 2013
Wedding details and other points to ponder...
Details.
I have a love/hate relationship with them. While they tend to complicate the most simple of tasks, they are absolutely necessary and add to whatever they might coincidently be gumming up at the time. Nothing would be the same without them. That being said, we needed to decide the basics:
- Who.
Us, and whomever else we decide to share our day with but keeping it semi-intimate with only 50-75 people, mostly from his family and friends as I come from hillbilly stock and I sort of cringe at the thought of some of my people showing up with banjos, as they tend to do, so am really, thinking of inviting only a select few from the Clampett branch of my family tree. While it would make things both interesting as well as unforgettable, I'm sort of leaning against that idea as it would be a decision that will bite me in the ass, am sure. Sorry.
-What.
A low-key affair with both wedding and reception in one place. Buffet style food, tasteful decorations, some tunes and alcohol that flows freely. A fairly simple concept. Wedding colors that reflect my man's favorite NFL team. ( HIS choice. It's good to have a man be willing to participate in this decision making brain-melt, rather than telling me that whatever I choose will be fine...) It's his day, too, so purple and yellow, it is...
-When.
July 2015
-Where.
TBA but we have a few really good prospects lined up...
-How.
How to pull off an event of this size financially, without going into debt to do it, so our life together doesn't start in the red zone. Buy saving every possible cent and buying things from my decorations/ table decor list on sale and discounted when possible and as I go along, rather than paying for everything in one fell swoop. It physically pains me to have to spend large amounts of money at one time so I find that it hurts much less and I barely miss it when spent in smaller increments with a list of things to cross off afterwards to keep me organized and from overspending.
-Afterwards.
We want to go on a honeymoon. We need a good adventure together. He has never been to California and I had the opportunity of spending several years of my life out in the San Francisco Bay Area in my early 20's. There are just so many really cool things out there that I could share with him and seeing them through his eyes would be like experiencing them again, for the first time. That, too, takes bank and we need time to come up with that as well. We're going to do it the right way and not live together before we get married, not because I'm puritanical, but because it will be the beginning of the rest of our life together after that day, but not a single day before. I've been a single girl for many years and am used to doing things my own way and in my own time so I'm trying to slowly wean myself to the sharing-everything sort of lifestyle that is the nature of the beast for co-ed cohabitation.
Wedding planning, the early stages: Where to begin...?
We have been engaged for nearly a year and up until last week, we had not even set a date or had given it much thought beyond the concept of some day, down the road. Life was too busy, with too much going on to give it any thought and I had no desire to go there yet as there were just too many things demanding my attention at the moment. We needed time to adjust and organize before combining our worlds forever...
The subject came up recently and I let it be known that we should probably start thinking about planning a wedding if he wants something sort of traditional and parent-approved that he can both invite his friends and family to, as well as an occasion to throw a kick ass party. We have already co-planned and executed a kick-ass large party once before, a luau for his son's high school graduation, that went amazingly well, all things considered. We planned it for months and the end results reflected that taking the time to plot every detail as a military general plotting a battle was worth every second. Not a single thing was overlooked and a good time was had by all...
He, to my surprise, agreed immediately without protest.
Wow.
He's at that place, too.
It's time to make things happen, but again, awesome things don't happen overnight, so we've set a timeline for 18 months or so. Stay tuned.
Forgiven but not forgotten...
For the sake of keeping the peace, I let a major issue that my sweet thing and I disagree strongly about go. I released it, sort of like letting a feral beast free, back out into the wild. It's way bigger than I am and refuse to own it as my new personal baggage. Not my issue, not my problem. However he decides to handle the situation is not on me, as long as it doesn't infringe on me in any way. And once I made up my mind setting it free, it was gone, without a backwards glance.
And I'm good.
Things are quiet and life has found some sort of peaceful chaos to coexist with and for the moment, at least, things are as they should be and my soul is smiling.
And I'm good.
Things are quiet and life has found some sort of peaceful chaos to coexist with and for the moment, at least, things are as they should be and my soul is smiling.
Monday, December 09, 2013
A New Beginning...
A little off topic but after almost 20 years in the field of nursing, I'm closing the chapter as it no longer serves me as it once did and am rewriting a new one that better meets my needs.
Providing healthcare is no longer what it once was and despite furthering my education to stay relevant, it's becoming next to impossible to find a full time position as a lot of employers only want to hire on a per diem basis so they don't have to provide health insurance coverage. Imagine, spending your days around individuals with a myriad of illnesses, ranging from mild to life threatening and contagious, only to not be protected if and when you contract something from one of the people that you provide hands on care to...
Just completely insane.
I accepted a position in the health insurance field, thereby removing myself from the disease lined trenches and moving to the very back, way behind the line of enemy fire. It's a career that's comparable salary wise to nursing but with some perks and benefits and no contact except via phone with those afflicted. I'm not getting any younger and someday, my body will no longer be able to meet the physical demands, so this choice is a proactive one as well as one that makes the most sense for my family as well as my future.
I'm almost giddy at the thought of never having to wear medical scrubs again. It will be nice to be able to utilize all of the beautiful business casual clothing in my closet and trade my white nursing shoes for mid heel pumps...
I won't look back with sadness or regret, but instead, look toward the future and someday aspire to having my own office with a name plate on the door.
Better days are coming, starting next week. On to bigger, better and different.
:)
Providing healthcare is no longer what it once was and despite furthering my education to stay relevant, it's becoming next to impossible to find a full time position as a lot of employers only want to hire on a per diem basis so they don't have to provide health insurance coverage. Imagine, spending your days around individuals with a myriad of illnesses, ranging from mild to life threatening and contagious, only to not be protected if and when you contract something from one of the people that you provide hands on care to...
Just completely insane.
I accepted a position in the health insurance field, thereby removing myself from the disease lined trenches and moving to the very back, way behind the line of enemy fire. It's a career that's comparable salary wise to nursing but with some perks and benefits and no contact except via phone with those afflicted. I'm not getting any younger and someday, my body will no longer be able to meet the physical demands, so this choice is a proactive one as well as one that makes the most sense for my family as well as my future.
I'm almost giddy at the thought of never having to wear medical scrubs again. It will be nice to be able to utilize all of the beautiful business casual clothing in my closet and trade my white nursing shoes for mid heel pumps...
I won't look back with sadness or regret, but instead, look toward the future and someday aspire to having my own office with a name plate on the door.
Better days are coming, starting next week. On to bigger, better and different.
:)
The Green Eyed Elephant In The Room...
Why, indeed...
A few reasons, I'm thinking. It could be any of the following or a possible combination of multiple concepts to make this girl child act out in this way.
First, she's probably dealing with deep seated jealousy issues regarding having been the only female in his life for so long and she's not willing to share any of the attention that has been reserved for only her. She might feel that I'm stealing her daddy from her, but instead, I have only tried to add to her life, by sharing it, not detracting from it in any way. Having me in the picture actually means her getting more, not less in the sense that an extra adult looking out for you can only be a positive thing and it adds a different perspective and greater opportunities that would not necessarily have been there before.
Second, some borderline emotional incest issues, being the only female for many years, it's quite possible that she has become an emotional surrogate for her father's affections. Since he was clearly devastated by the circumstances that led up to the demise of his former marriage, and didn't seriously commit to anyone before me, it's entirely logical that he would pour every ounce of love into this child. It's so much easier to devote time and effort into someone who worships the ground on which you walk, unconditionally, then to face a normal, healthy adult relationship that occasionally challenges you to your very core and makes you a better, wiser and stronger person because of it. It can be a form of child abuse, as the child is living to make her parent happy, rather than pursuing her own dreams and forgoing her own needs just to fill a void in someone else's life. It's more common in single parent homes, something that's really not spoken about much and inevitably a self fufilling prophecy for future generations.
Third. Let's not forget loyalty. Perhaps, she feels that being friendly to me would mean being disloyal to her mother and somehow feel that I am trying to take her place. I share nothing in common with that woman in any stretch of the imagination beyond falling for the same man so there really should be no comparison. While I have cooked family meals in their kitchen, I have in no way, shape, or form tried to mother her in any way, only tried to be a friend that cares about her best interests.
Forth. I'm sure that deep down, she might wish that her parents were together, but considering the circumstances surrounding the divorce, again, one has a better chance of winning lotto. Every child of a broken home wishes for this, but maybe eventually, maturity will kick in and she'll understand that loving her father unconditionally means that he deserves to be happy, in whatever form it takes, even if it's not what she would personally choose for him.
Fifth. I raised my sons entirely different from the way that she has been raised. I never coddled my boys and I let them make mistakes that enabled them to learn and grow as individuals from, rather than to shield them from the harsh reality of the world. They have grown into strong, self sufficient young men, with good judgement and the emotional tools necessary to meet any obstacle head on and overcome it with little or no help from me. I not only gave them wings but taught them how to fly as well. I would most definitely not be viewed as permissive or a softy when it comes to being a parent. My children can be monsters on occasion and I know exactly what they're capable of but they're not materialistic or have an inflated sense of entitlement that a lot of young people seem to have these days. They believe in earning what they have, not waiting around for someone to hand it to them. Parenting is the most challenging, yet rewarding thing that I have ever done and I believe that I have done a good job with mine. Alone.
Sixth. I was raised to be a strong, independent woman who is comfortable in my own skin and confident in my abilities to accomplish anything that I need to, regardless of gender stereotypes. I can be a very intimidating entity to those females who learned to feign weakness and mastered the art of manipulation to get what they want from life, rather than hitching up the britches and getting the job done, in spite of having a vagina and wearing high heels.
I'm sure that there are more reasons than this and I will add them as they come...
Realization is the first step.
A few reasons, I'm thinking. It could be any of the following or a possible combination of multiple concepts to make this girl child act out in this way.
First, she's probably dealing with deep seated jealousy issues regarding having been the only female in his life for so long and she's not willing to share any of the attention that has been reserved for only her. She might feel that I'm stealing her daddy from her, but instead, I have only tried to add to her life, by sharing it, not detracting from it in any way. Having me in the picture actually means her getting more, not less in the sense that an extra adult looking out for you can only be a positive thing and it adds a different perspective and greater opportunities that would not necessarily have been there before.
Second, some borderline emotional incest issues, being the only female for many years, it's quite possible that she has become an emotional surrogate for her father's affections. Since he was clearly devastated by the circumstances that led up to the demise of his former marriage, and didn't seriously commit to anyone before me, it's entirely logical that he would pour every ounce of love into this child. It's so much easier to devote time and effort into someone who worships the ground on which you walk, unconditionally, then to face a normal, healthy adult relationship that occasionally challenges you to your very core and makes you a better, wiser and stronger person because of it. It can be a form of child abuse, as the child is living to make her parent happy, rather than pursuing her own dreams and forgoing her own needs just to fill a void in someone else's life. It's more common in single parent homes, something that's really not spoken about much and inevitably a self fufilling prophecy for future generations.
Third. Let's not forget loyalty. Perhaps, she feels that being friendly to me would mean being disloyal to her mother and somehow feel that I am trying to take her place. I share nothing in common with that woman in any stretch of the imagination beyond falling for the same man so there really should be no comparison. While I have cooked family meals in their kitchen, I have in no way, shape, or form tried to mother her in any way, only tried to be a friend that cares about her best interests.
Forth. I'm sure that deep down, she might wish that her parents were together, but considering the circumstances surrounding the divorce, again, one has a better chance of winning lotto. Every child of a broken home wishes for this, but maybe eventually, maturity will kick in and she'll understand that loving her father unconditionally means that he deserves to be happy, in whatever form it takes, even if it's not what she would personally choose for him.
Fifth. I raised my sons entirely different from the way that she has been raised. I never coddled my boys and I let them make mistakes that enabled them to learn and grow as individuals from, rather than to shield them from the harsh reality of the world. They have grown into strong, self sufficient young men, with good judgement and the emotional tools necessary to meet any obstacle head on and overcome it with little or no help from me. I not only gave them wings but taught them how to fly as well. I would most definitely not be viewed as permissive or a softy when it comes to being a parent. My children can be monsters on occasion and I know exactly what they're capable of but they're not materialistic or have an inflated sense of entitlement that a lot of young people seem to have these days. They believe in earning what they have, not waiting around for someone to hand it to them. Parenting is the most challenging, yet rewarding thing that I have ever done and I believe that I have done a good job with mine. Alone.
Sixth. I was raised to be a strong, independent woman who is comfortable in my own skin and confident in my abilities to accomplish anything that I need to, regardless of gender stereotypes. I can be a very intimidating entity to those females who learned to feign weakness and mastered the art of manipulation to get what they want from life, rather than hitching up the britches and getting the job done, in spite of having a vagina and wearing high heels.
I'm sure that there are more reasons than this and I will add them as they come...
Realization is the first step.
Sunday, December 08, 2013
Reality Bites...
Nothing worthwhile ever comes easily and while our relationship flowed naturally, there have been a few bumps in our road to happiness...
While my sons are accepting of this man who stole their mother's heart, it became apparent that his girl child wasn't and still is not accepting of my place in his life. His son has been politely indifferent to the situation but his teenage daughter, for whatever reason, harbors some deep seated jealousy in regards to me. It was never my intention to steal her father from her or unseat her from her place in any way, but still she regards me as the enemy. I have tried to do nice things for her to show her that I come in peace, in gestures of friendship, but they are never acknowledged or appreciated, so after a few years of being the bigger person, I disengaged myself from the situation, stepped back and stopped trying. I no longer do anything that she alone will benefit from as my time is much better spent doing things for those who are willing to show even the smallest degree of gratitude for my efforts.
I'm not sure where it comes from, as I have always been kind and treated her no differently than I would one of my own. It's a shame, too, as I would have really liked to have had a girl in my life that I could take shopping or share some of the wisdom that I had learned through the years, but sadly, I just don't see that happening as I'm viewed as some sort of competition to her.
She has helped herself to my personal items without asking, as though she's entitled to the things that I have worked hard for, simply because they're there and because I'm dating her father. When asked to refrain from that, she has resorted to taking things from me without my knowledge and being untruthful when her father inquires about it, even though nobody else is present or would have a use for female trappings.
I have had to be the bigger person in this situation, as my relationship with my partner means the world to me and have had to resort to locking up those things that tend to grow legs and disappear when she coincidentally happens to be present. It should not be that way and if she gave me the respect of asking to borrow things, rather than just taking them, I would not have to go to such extremes to ensure that my things are available to me when I want or need them.
I'm the type of person who is very observant and inquisitive. I don't blindly accept status quo, rather, I want to know the back story and what makes something tick. I will dissect and reassemble, looking for the hidden meanings and reasons behind an action, trying to gain understanding. Given better resources, I have the kind of mind that could take over the world and unfortunately for me but fortunately for mankind, my funding is too limited for such endeavors , so I need to stick to a smaller scale.
WHY?
While my sons are accepting of this man who stole their mother's heart, it became apparent that his girl child wasn't and still is not accepting of my place in his life. His son has been politely indifferent to the situation but his teenage daughter, for whatever reason, harbors some deep seated jealousy in regards to me. It was never my intention to steal her father from her or unseat her from her place in any way, but still she regards me as the enemy. I have tried to do nice things for her to show her that I come in peace, in gestures of friendship, but they are never acknowledged or appreciated, so after a few years of being the bigger person, I disengaged myself from the situation, stepped back and stopped trying. I no longer do anything that she alone will benefit from as my time is much better spent doing things for those who are willing to show even the smallest degree of gratitude for my efforts.
I'm not sure where it comes from, as I have always been kind and treated her no differently than I would one of my own. It's a shame, too, as I would have really liked to have had a girl in my life that I could take shopping or share some of the wisdom that I had learned through the years, but sadly, I just don't see that happening as I'm viewed as some sort of competition to her.
She has helped herself to my personal items without asking, as though she's entitled to the things that I have worked hard for, simply because they're there and because I'm dating her father. When asked to refrain from that, she has resorted to taking things from me without my knowledge and being untruthful when her father inquires about it, even though nobody else is present or would have a use for female trappings.
I have had to be the bigger person in this situation, as my relationship with my partner means the world to me and have had to resort to locking up those things that tend to grow legs and disappear when she coincidentally happens to be present. It should not be that way and if she gave me the respect of asking to borrow things, rather than just taking them, I would not have to go to such extremes to ensure that my things are available to me when I want or need them.
I'm the type of person who is very observant and inquisitive. I don't blindly accept status quo, rather, I want to know the back story and what makes something tick. I will dissect and reassemble, looking for the hidden meanings and reasons behind an action, trying to gain understanding. Given better resources, I have the kind of mind that could take over the world and unfortunately for me but fortunately for mankind, my funding is too limited for such endeavors , so I need to stick to a smaller scale.
WHY?
As The Stomach Turns...
Everything has a start somewhere and being that the beginning seems the most logical, that's where this saga has it's launch...
Being a happily single girl with a relatively uncomplicated life, raising 4 sons alone, working full time and pursing my dreams as often as time allowed, one day I got a wild idea of maybe possibly dating again. As crazy as it sounds, I decided to post an online personal ad, as the thought of going out to a bar to meet someone was just not an option for me, knowing that with my luck, I would only meet multiple epitomes of very good examples of very bad examples. I'm a homebody. Once I'm in from work for the night and my bra comes off, one has better odds of winning lotto than getting me back out the door for anything other than a true emergency.
I posted an ad and after only 20 minutes, and multiple replies, I felt desperate and dirty and made my profile unsearchable to the masses. One of the replies that I received was from a very nice single father of 2, with a background in law enforcement. I thought that he might be a safe bet and so I responded back, sight unseen, as I was unable to open the pictures that he had emailed me. We had amazing dialogue for several weeks and in that time, I had backed out of several first meetings, partly because of the above mentioned post work bra removal thing but also because I had never seen what he looked like and the horrible mental image of a cop, overweight from too many donuts, scared me in a big way. Finally, I got up the nerve to tell him that I never even saw what he looked like and was afraid of what I might find, so he resent the pictures...
OH. MY. GOODNESS. He was hot. No doubt about it and I made it a point to not stand him up again. We met in a public place, the local Dunkin' Donuts after work one evening, him in his uniform and myself in medical scrubs on a the very first nice day in early Spring. We grabbed drinks and proceeded to sit on the curb outside, talking for what seemed like only a short while, but in all reality was really several hours. Time flew and I finally excused myself, explaining that my boys had not only imposed a curfew for me, but I would probably turn into a pumpkin by 8p.m. Before I left, he unexpectedly grabbed me and kissed me on the lips, both shocking me senseless and giving me a bad case of butterflies in the process.
He called me in an hour, when he got home and asked me to meet him for drinks on Friday night, 2 days later, which I did. On our date, the establishment that he chose served popcorn, and I spent the entire evening alternating between conversing and assaulting that nice, handsome officer with furtively launched air popped vegetables. He was smittened. I could tell. So was I but I didn't let on...
He called me multiple times daily afterwards and we spent a great deal of time together, getting to know one another and one day, several weeks later, out of the blue, he asked me if I removed my personal ad, because he had and from that point on, we became joined at the hip. That was nearly 3 years ago and last April, he caught me completely off guard when he called me to help him pick up building supplies at the adjacent home improvement store and he surprised me by waiting for me on the very same curb that we had our first meeting, 2 years to the day later, with a one ct. Princess cut diamond ring...
Being a happily single girl with a relatively uncomplicated life, raising 4 sons alone, working full time and pursing my dreams as often as time allowed, one day I got a wild idea of maybe possibly dating again. As crazy as it sounds, I decided to post an online personal ad, as the thought of going out to a bar to meet someone was just not an option for me, knowing that with my luck, I would only meet multiple epitomes of very good examples of very bad examples. I'm a homebody. Once I'm in from work for the night and my bra comes off, one has better odds of winning lotto than getting me back out the door for anything other than a true emergency.
I posted an ad and after only 20 minutes, and multiple replies, I felt desperate and dirty and made my profile unsearchable to the masses. One of the replies that I received was from a very nice single father of 2, with a background in law enforcement. I thought that he might be a safe bet and so I responded back, sight unseen, as I was unable to open the pictures that he had emailed me. We had amazing dialogue for several weeks and in that time, I had backed out of several first meetings, partly because of the above mentioned post work bra removal thing but also because I had never seen what he looked like and the horrible mental image of a cop, overweight from too many donuts, scared me in a big way. Finally, I got up the nerve to tell him that I never even saw what he looked like and was afraid of what I might find, so he resent the pictures...
OH. MY. GOODNESS. He was hot. No doubt about it and I made it a point to not stand him up again. We met in a public place, the local Dunkin' Donuts after work one evening, him in his uniform and myself in medical scrubs on a the very first nice day in early Spring. We grabbed drinks and proceeded to sit on the curb outside, talking for what seemed like only a short while, but in all reality was really several hours. Time flew and I finally excused myself, explaining that my boys had not only imposed a curfew for me, but I would probably turn into a pumpkin by 8p.m. Before I left, he unexpectedly grabbed me and kissed me on the lips, both shocking me senseless and giving me a bad case of butterflies in the process.
He called me in an hour, when he got home and asked me to meet him for drinks on Friday night, 2 days later, which I did. On our date, the establishment that he chose served popcorn, and I spent the entire evening alternating between conversing and assaulting that nice, handsome officer with furtively launched air popped vegetables. He was smittened. I could tell. So was I but I didn't let on...
He called me multiple times daily afterwards and we spent a great deal of time together, getting to know one another and one day, several weeks later, out of the blue, he asked me if I removed my personal ad, because he had and from that point on, we became joined at the hip. That was nearly 3 years ago and last April, he caught me completely off guard when he called me to help him pick up building supplies at the adjacent home improvement store and he surprised me by waiting for me on the very same curb that we had our first meeting, 2 years to the day later, with a one ct. Princess cut diamond ring...
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